Getting Through the Messy Middle of a Breakup

Reduce the urge to stalk your ex online by making it harder to do impulsively.

1. 1
   Unfollow or mute them everywhere — Do this in one sitting—Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. You can always reverse it later.
2. 2
   Move social apps off your home screen — Put them in a folder labeled 'Later' or on the last page of your phone.
3. 3
   Set a timer if you must check — If you feel compelled, allow yourself 2 minutes max, then close the app.
4. 4
   Replace the habit — When you reach for your phone, open a puzzle app or read one news article instead.

Physically change your environment to signal that life is moving forward.

1. 1
   Pick a small area — A bookshelf, your desk, or a wall—not the whole room.
2. 2
   Remove items that trigger memories — Box up gifts or photos temporarily. You don't have to throw them away.
3. 3
   Add something new — Buy a plant, hang art by a local artist, or rearrange furniture.
4. 4
   Spend time there daily — Drink your coffee in that spot or read there for 10 minutes.
5. 5
   Notice how it feels — Does it bring a bit of calm? That's the point—creating new associations.

Contain the sadness to specific times so it doesn't leak into your whole day.

1. 1
   Choose a consistent time — Right after work or before dinner—not right before bed.
2. 2
   Set a timer for 15 minutes — Use your phone or a kitchen timer.
3. 3
   Do one grief-focused activity — Write in a journal, look at old photos, or just cry. No multitasking.
4. 4
   When the timer goes off, stop — Stand up, wash your face, and change locations—go to another room.
5. 5
   Note what came up — Jot down one sentence about what you felt. This helps track progress.
6. 6
   Gradually reduce the time — After a week, try 10 minutes. The goal is to train your brain that grief has boundaries.

Rebuild confidence by doing activities you used to share, but solo.

1. 1
   Make a list of 5 things — Examples: see a movie, hike a trail, try a new restaurant.
2. 2
   Pick the easiest one — Start with something low-pressure, like getting coffee alone.
3. 3
   Go without expectations — Don't pressure yourself to 'enjoy' it—just observe how it feels.
4. 4
   Bring a distraction — A book or podcast can ease initial awkwardness.
5. 5
   Debrief with yourself — Afterward, note one thing you noticed—the decor, a stranger's smile, anything.
6. 6
   Repeat weekly — Gradually try harder activities. The goal is desensitization, not instant joy.